Kryptonite

Superman is someone we all know of...he can fly, he has a red cape, and he came from the planet Krypton. He has super human powers, but he always has a weakness--Kryptonite. When he's exposed to it his powers are nullified, and he is immobilized by pain and nausea..and eventually he'll die without the mineral "lead" to block the radiation.

No matter how well we handle things in most situations, or in most aspects of our lives, we all have that thing, person, place, or activity that changes us. It makes us weak and brings out the feelings and actions that we'd thought we had overcome. When this happens, we must make a choice...let it define you or find some lead..

Everyone has their own kryptonite....the best way to beat it is to stay as far away from it as possible.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

I think a lot of the time people have two different sides to themselves, almost like an angel and devil....or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One side is telling you to do one thing and the other side is saying the opposite. It sucks having to deal with these pests because it's hard to know which one is telling the truth.

My two sides conflict with one another about the things I want in my life. One side is practical....everything said makes complete sense with what people have told me. The things I know I can do for sure, with little to no doubts about it--I can get married, I can get a full-time job, I can start a business, I can live well, it can be easy, the other way is too hard, the other way doesn't make sense.

 The other side......is scary. The other side says you can do it, it'll be hard but well worth it, you'll be inspired, you'll change people's lives, you'll be living by faith, you'll make a difference...you'll be happy and have everything you used to think was never possible.

It's a son of a bitch....balancing the two. What always helps me is imagining the person I'd be at the end of the two roads. The first one is fine with everything. Nothing is bad, but there is always something missing. The second one is the hardest, scariest thing I'll ever do....but the person I'll be at the end of it will be thankful that she never let the fear keep her from doing it. That those days she thought about quitting, she didn't. And I'll be thankful I listened to the right side.

"Feel the fear, and do it anyway."

Speak American

First, I'd love to explain my love for America and the lovely way we allow people from all over the country to come and live here and work. What a nice country...we deserve a big fuckin pat on the back. Preferably from Jesus...Anyway, one would assume that when you move to a different country you'd learn their language...One would assume...However, that is not the case in this beautiful land of the free, and unfortunately at my job I have to constantly decipher how an accident happened, or what someone's phone number is (It's three not TREE). I hope to make "clear english speaker" part of the requirements to live here...not chopped up words that barely make sentences.

Oh and don't get mad at the me when I can't understand your "accent"...thanks.

Karma

I believe in Karma for a few reasons. One is mostly so I know that the asshole who cut me off in traffic, or the bitch who yelled at me on the phone at work will "get hers". One story I heard from a friend was about a lady at Starbucks who yelled at the girl behind the counter for making her drink wrong...you know the girl was thinking, "I wish I could poison your drink if it meant I wouldn't get fired" but she knew that Karma would work its magic, so she apologized and remade her drink. As the lady walked out of the door of the Starbucks, she dropped her drink in the street. I wish at times like these a camera crew came out, like on Punk'd, and said "Hey quit being a huge fucking DICK and maybe your life will suck less"

I always know Karma will take care of it....so for those of you who have harmed me, watch your back...

What's in your box?

God is a tricky fellow. More often than not, I feel that I know more about myself than he does...especially about what I want and my future. But that is not true, and I guess I should give him more credit. What happens is we allow "logic" to get in our way. Then I ask, "who do I trust more, God..or people" We let what people say and do affect the things we truly want, and then we shove all those dreams and desires into a box and lock it deep in our souls.

 The only thing God can do at that point is beat the hell out that locked box and hope we open it. But that is all he can do since we have free will. He can't make us do anything...even when he knows how much we'll benefit from it. He can't make us move across the country, or look at the postive side of things. Or even realize that everyday is a chance to start over. Being happy just means truly realizing the things we want, and deciding what we need to sacrifice to get there. There are no promises that it'll be easy, or even what we imagined we want or need....but just a promise that "those who endeavor to live the life they've imagined, will meet with a success unexpected in common hours" -Thoreau

Knowing

Yesterday I woke up wanting one thing, and went to bed wanting another. That can be a scary thing. How do we know what we'll want in the future, if we can barely decided what we want to do over the weekend? Will we still want it after the work for it is done, and we can finally enjoy it.

Most of the time, especially in times of stress, I want simplicity. Just a nice life with little discomfort...then I wonder, will I ever grow doing that...will that keep me the same person for fifty years....will that disappoint the younger version of myself who thought I'd become someone important..and then I'm back on track.

The point is you can always choose to live simply, at any time or place in your life. But to live a daring life, and strive for a childhood dream...that comes only once a lifetime. Before kids and marriage...and a mortgage. If I've learned anything thus far, it's ALWAYS better to KNOW, than to WONDER.

Amazing

Today I was thinking about how amazing a person's WILL can be...Will-power can allow us to do so many things that some may have never thought possible. Furthermore, it's even more amazing what a person can survive...loved ones dying, cancer, heartbreak, over-whelming debt, a bad childhood, an injured soul...

Our expectations really lead to our demise because we hope and pray that most of our stories lead to happy endings...or at least a confirmation that we'll be done just surviving. Expecting our circumstances will change keeps that weak part of us burning, the part where we rely on a crutch that has kept us afloat.... like our parents, or friends or our past...but the problem is a crutch is suppose to be a temporary means to healing...maybe we just need to find a new way to walk...and maybe this new way will lead to new circumstances...

Surviving and living are two insanely different things...when you expect your life to change you, surviving can be the only way to get through. Eventually you have to learn to live...and be the change in your life.